Saturday, April 16, 2011

The monopoly..

The captain took out the box, opened it and they started to prepare the game.

The first thing he noticed was, that instead of the usual lame old-style silver race car, the captain handed him a silver Lamborghini Aventador LP700-4 figurine. The captain chose a figurine that wasn't even silver, it was a lemon yellow lawyer looking figurine (it had a briefcase and LIAR written on its back).

After they had chosen the figurines the captain took out the game board. He instantly noticed that it had some interesting companies on it. There were 3 yellow firms for instance: Google Adsense, Google Search and Google Gmail.

He asked the captain: 'Captain, is this a regular monopoly game?'
'Of course not. Take a closer look. It is the Internets monopoly!'

The captain started to point to the board and added: 'See! Here are the Google companies. And then there are the Yahoo companies and instead of the usual railways there is Facebook!'

As he looked at the board, he noticed that so it was. There were 3 purple fields for example with names as Yahoo Mail, Yahoo Domain Names and Yahoo Web Search.

'Is there anything else I should know? Anything that is different from the original game?', he asked.
'Well.. Take a look at the community chest cards.'

He took the cards and started to read them.
There were all sort of cards:

' receive temporary medical insurance..',
' receive best buy gift card..',
' receive laser hair removal surgery..'

(not all the cards were good)

'I let you start', the captain said and handed him a pair of dice. But even the dice weren't regular.

He throw the dice and he roll a 'Chuck Norris' and a 'Chocolate Pudding'.
'That is 13 in numbers', captain said while moving his Lambo figurine on the board.

'It reads Yahoo Domain Names. Do you want to buy it?', captain Obvious asked and added :'If something gets hard that means it won't be easy anymore!'

He didn't really understand what the captain had just said.
'Yes I would like to ..', he was saying when suddenly there was a knock on the door.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

You silly captain..

He took his drink and followed the captain.
'You know, in one year it will be the present! (I told you he was captain Obvious, didn't I.) Therefor I guess we should go see the captains bridge first'

They went back up. It was still sunny outside and no land was in sight. He followed the captain until they reached a dark yet pretty big room. The room had quite large round windows which were half covered with curtains.

'Is this the captains bridge?', he asked surprisedly.
'What? Of course not. Why would you think that? This here is my room', said the captain.

'But you said we were going to the ..'
'I said what I said. Now lets play Monopoly!'

Our lad didn't know what to think. He was now sure that coming here wasn't that good of an idea. He considered leaving and going back to the bar, but then he changed his mind and said: 'I want to be the race car!'

The more and more you look at this picture, the more you realize that captain Obvious was a fan of the Monolopy guy. He had grown a mustache like his.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Meeting the captain..

The bartender returned to him. 'You don't seem like our usual customer. What brings you here?'
'Well, I was sent this letter to come to the Kingdom of Internets', he said.
'Oh! So you aren't here for the R34 at all? Ok, don't worry. It happens sometimes'
It looked as if the bartender tried to smile friendly, but these mustache made him look like a serial killer.

'Oh, see our captain is back already', said the bartender.
He looked at the stairs and the short man he had seen earlier was walking (while unzipping his pants) past the stairs.
'Hey Johnny, a coke please',said the captain.
'Back from the pony-room so soon, captiain?', the bartender asked while pouring him the soda.
'Shhh. Not so loudly. And yes, there wasn't that much to inspect', said the captain.
'Captain. This young man here is travelling to the mainland and accidentally came to the wrong room', told the bartender.
'Oo. Is he now? And what brings you to our lovely kingdom?', asked the captain after turning his head towards our lad.
'Well, I got a letter from some miss named Kat Ceiling', he said.

Both the captain and the bartender were shocked. It didn't happen everyday that the most current ruler of their kingdom had summoned for someone from the real world. Actually, none of them had heard of that ever happening before.
'Really now? ', said the captain and added, 'I guess you are a VIP on our ferry then! Come on, let me show you around'

Captain put his hands around our lads shoulders and said: 'I haven't introduced myself yet. I am the captain of this ship. And therefor I am the captain. But I am not any captain, I am a superhero, I am Captain Obvious. And I am what I am.'

The captain stand up and said: "Take your drink now. We will be arriving to the port in some amount of time. Dead people are not alive, so lets go and check out the ferry".
Thats not the real captain, thats just a drawing. The real captain had mustache - don't you forget that.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Waiting room for 3 and 4 ..

'That man. I know him from somewhere! But from where?'

He took a look around and saw that he was standing in some sort of saloon like room. There were lots of round tables in the middle of the room, filled with people.
Next to the stairs there was a bar. The bartender smiled and gestured him to walk over there.

The bartender was a man, somewhere around 40 years old and he had a similar mustache as the guy whom he had met just moments ago.

'So, you new here?', the bartender asked.
'Yes. I don't even know where I am', he answered.
The bartender handed him a drink: 'Scotch. On the house,' and continued,
'You, my good sir, are on the Fap Ferry. And this room right here is the waiting room."
'What are they waiting for?', he asked.
'You see those doors there? Each of these rooms have different kind of things in them.'

He took a look around. There really were doors everywhere. Apart from the stairs, the bar and a little stage that was on the opposite side of the room from them, all of the walls where covered with doors.

'Waiting room? For what?'
'Well. In our land, in the Kingdom of Internets, there are many rules. One of them, number 34 is so important that our ferry, the main entrance to the kingdom, is now where all of requests involving this rule are satisfied.
You see,the makers of our rules, or laws as you may want to call them, made that rule so that there must always be workers to satisfy the growing need for this rule.'

'But what are these people waiting ?'
'They are waiting until the workers finish, so that they can go in and inspect the results.
He didn't really understand, but was afraid to ask more.

He took a sip from the glass and asked: 'Excuse me, but did you happen to see that man I met near the stairs?'

'Yes, the man you met was our captain. He was waiting here as well..'
The bartender lowered his voice to almost a whisper and added: 'you see, he was going to inspect what the pony-masters had just created'

Then the bartender said: 'Excuse me. A loyal customer just walked in,' and turned to a man who had just entered - according to his looks (he had a lightsaber hanging on his belt) an apparent fan of Star Wars.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The ferry ..

In order to get on the ferry, he could only do one thing. He had learned in biology what fap mean - it meant Fixed Action Pattern. He opened his favorite website, hoping to see something that would lead him to the ferry.

He opened his eyes. A warm breeze was blowing. He didn't know where he was. It felt good as if he had slept sometime, yet his last memories were about browsing that website.

He noticed that he was laying on some bench sort of thing, there wasn't any roof on top. It was cloudy; some seaguls were flying in the sky. He heard sea sounds - the waves splashing into something.
'I must be on the ferry!', he thought.
He stand up. He was on the top deck of the ferry. There wasn't anyone else in sight.
He watched the sea - no land in sight.

There were stairs going downwards near the bench. Carefully as a cat, he climbed down the stairs.
As soon as he reached the lower floor a little man with funny mustache came to him.

'Welcome aboard mister. We will be arriving at P.Hub Harbor in about an hour. Have a nice day!', the man said with a high, nasal sound.

Monday, April 4, 2011


I'm having trouble with going forward with the story.

If you have read the first 3 posts then please leave a comment about who could be the current king of Internets and how can our main character get on the fap ferry. Remember this is fiction so everything is possible.

As soon as I get some good ideas or you give me some good ideas then the story will continue.

To those who haven't read the story this far, here is a picture for you to watch. It has nothing to do with the story :)

(Yes, it is copy-pasta from Credits go to them)

Thank you.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

The email.. part 2

Slowly and gracefully as the queen of England, he returned from the bathroom. He scratched himself from a couple of places and sat down to his still very uncomfortable but familiar chair.
He continued to read.

'... which we can't handle ourselves. You see,
our majesty, the king has recently fallen ill.
The doctors haven't found out whats wrong with him
and that is why the king has ordered to call for you.
For some reason, he thinks you could help us.

So please come and help us, come and fulfill the kings request.

If you accept, then follow the map that I have attached to the email.
I took the liberty to mark the location of the kings castle with a red cross.

Sincerely watching you from above,
temporary representor of Kingdom of Internets,
Ceiling Kat.'

He didn't know if he should laugh or cry. 'Was this some sort of a prank?', he wondered.
Then he clicked on the attachment link.

He watched the clock. It was still 8:47. The picture opened and he started to carefully inspect the map.

(credits for this picture goes to Corbin Fraser)

Although he recognized most of the places - he visited websites about these places almost every day - he had always wondered what these places really look like.

'So the only way to get there is by riding the ferry', he mumbled and rub his hands together with excitement.
An exiting adventure was waiting for him.

Friday, April 1, 2011

The email.. part 1

Don't misunderstand. It wasn't abnormal to get emails. He often got several emails per day; not to mention the spam, which he didn't even look at. But the emails he got on daily basis were mostly from the few of his friends or someone else he actually knew.

From time to time some of the spam passed through the filters. These were the times when for a split second a 'Oooo Happy Day' echod through his head;
'Can you really believe it. I really won 2 million dollars with the Nigerian Lotto'. Half a second later he realized what he had just thought;
Click, click and that spam email was gone.

But today. The email he received today wasn't any of the above.

He scratched his head. The emails subject row read: 'concerning the Kingdom of Internets'.
'What was that supposed to mean?', he thought.
He looked at the sender. 'Kat Ceiling'. 'Who is that? I have never heard of her' ,he mumbled.

He double clicked on the email and it opened.

It started with a 'Dear Mr', followed by his name.
'Ok. This might not be an average spam mail', he mumbled and continued to read.

'I send this letter for you from the marvelous Kingdom of Internets.
It's a kingdom full of miraculous beings, such as unicorns and narwhales.
Although our kingdom is the happiest place on earth, there is a problem
which we can't handle ourselves.'

Although the text continued, he raised his eyes off the monitor. There was only room for one thought in his head: 'I really have to pee right now', and then he ran.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

The morning..

He opened his eyes. Like on so many other days before, the sun was already shining outside.
Slowly but accurately he moved his hand to grab the phone. It was still 8:34 AM.
'Wow. Seems I might actually accomplish something today', he thought.
It was the first day in a very long time that he managed to get up before the alarm. He turned off the alarm that would have rang in about 20 minutes and got out of bed.

He opened the curtains. Although it was sunny there was still snow everywhere. Looking out of the window he started to think, 'Should I go brush my teeth and eat breakfast or check the email first?' Just like everyday, the choice was obvious. He turned his computer on, put on his pants and sat in his uncomfortable chair.

He opened facebook. Still only 33 friends. Quickly closed that browser window, just to open the browser again. 'You dummy', he said quietly to himself.
g-m-a-i-l-dot-c-o-m he typed and pressed enter.

1 new email.

It really was going to be an abnormal day ..